3 = a difficult age, apparently
We're having some difficulty with our sweet 3-year-old. Everyone always told me, when I complained of troubles during the "terrible two's," that three was harder. I always thought that was a poor way of encouraging me. Like, "Oh, you think it's tough now! You're only beginning. Just wait till she hits three." How is that supportive? Well, it's not really ... but it's the truth.
Emma has been showing some serious emotion recently. We've had screaming, tantrums, slight punches (like she WANTS to hit but knows it's bad so she just taps), stealing toys, defiance ... and her fears seem to be even stronger now, too. She's always been apprehensive about things (new people, bugs, fuzzies, new foods, new experiences in general) but recently she's seemed terrorized by some of those things.
She's been waking in the middle of the night just terrified. She screams and loses her breath in the middle of trying to call for us and it is scary and sad to us when she makes certain sounds when she can't breathe. And it happens quickly. It's not like she wakes up, is bored, starts fussing and then escalates into yelling. It's all-of-a-sudden, immediate ear-piercing screaming. Definitely jolts us awake. And I'm so grateful for marrying such a great man, who takes his Daddy role very seriously. He is usually the one to bolt out of bed first and runs to her. When this happens, she usually can't articulate what scared her. She just says over and over and over again that she wants to get up, that she doesn't want to be in her bed anymore, that she doesn't want us to leave. Sometimes there are "spiders" on her feet (we check this and of course, there are never any bugs at all).
Last night we spent nearly 45 minutes trying to calm her down and go back to sleep. Her first scream came just before 4 a.m. We are aware that in many child discipline instances we should not respond to her every cry if we want her to develop good sleep habits. But I challenge anyone to experience her night terrors (not sure if they are officially "night terrors" but I'd definitely describe them using those words) and to ignore them. I think she is exhibiting real fear -- not disobedience. And as her parent, it is our job to protect and soothe as much as it is to train in obedience. That doesn't mean we will allow her to get away with everything in the name of comforting her during these moments. We are firm with her when we go in to see her at night. She doesn't get any more books in bed, she doesn't get to get out of bed for snuggles, she doesn't get to come to our room. We calm her (which is NO easy task), answer her questions about the spiders, kiss her, pray with her, remind her that it's not time to get up when the sun is still sleeping, etc.
This doesn't happen all the time. Maybe 1-3 times a week. I just worry that we're not doing the right things to really make her learn to trust that she is safe in her bed and that we will always protect her. I really feel that we need to spend more time in prayer with her. This is definitely something she's struggling with and I really don't think it's just disobedience on her part. I really believe she has fears and they consume her. Maybe I can believe that more easily because I am a person with anxiety myself. I know how easy it can be to succumb to your mind and let it run away with fearful thoughts.
********
Anyway, I'll share more later about the 3-year-old challenges (defiance, unkindness toward her brother). I just turned around and found she put her entire palm onto the stamp pad she was using and now her whole hand is covered in stamping ink. Mess to attend to and time to be done with art. Moving on to the next project!
And of course, I have to note that amidst these challenges, our little munchkin is still overwhelmingly sweet and very perceptive. We know all of these little bumps are normal milestones and we are grateful to have the opportunity to learn how to handle each parenting challenge with grace and wisdom. This is where prayer comes in. I am honored to be moved to pray more for my little girl and to teach her how to pray on her own as well. More soon about all of this ...
Emma has been showing some serious emotion recently. We've had screaming, tantrums, slight punches (like she WANTS to hit but knows it's bad so she just taps), stealing toys, defiance ... and her fears seem to be even stronger now, too. She's always been apprehensive about things (new people, bugs, fuzzies, new foods, new experiences in general) but recently she's seemed terrorized by some of those things.
She's been waking in the middle of the night just terrified. She screams and loses her breath in the middle of trying to call for us and it is scary and sad to us when she makes certain sounds when she can't breathe. And it happens quickly. It's not like she wakes up, is bored, starts fussing and then escalates into yelling. It's all-of-a-sudden, immediate ear-piercing screaming. Definitely jolts us awake. And I'm so grateful for marrying such a great man, who takes his Daddy role very seriously. He is usually the one to bolt out of bed first and runs to her. When this happens, she usually can't articulate what scared her. She just says over and over and over again that she wants to get up, that she doesn't want to be in her bed anymore, that she doesn't want us to leave. Sometimes there are "spiders" on her feet (we check this and of course, there are never any bugs at all).
Last night we spent nearly 45 minutes trying to calm her down and go back to sleep. Her first scream came just before 4 a.m. We are aware that in many child discipline instances we should not respond to her every cry if we want her to develop good sleep habits. But I challenge anyone to experience her night terrors (not sure if they are officially "night terrors" but I'd definitely describe them using those words) and to ignore them. I think she is exhibiting real fear -- not disobedience. And as her parent, it is our job to protect and soothe as much as it is to train in obedience. That doesn't mean we will allow her to get away with everything in the name of comforting her during these moments. We are firm with her when we go in to see her at night. She doesn't get any more books in bed, she doesn't get to get out of bed for snuggles, she doesn't get to come to our room. We calm her (which is NO easy task), answer her questions about the spiders, kiss her, pray with her, remind her that it's not time to get up when the sun is still sleeping, etc.
This doesn't happen all the time. Maybe 1-3 times a week. I just worry that we're not doing the right things to really make her learn to trust that she is safe in her bed and that we will always protect her. I really feel that we need to spend more time in prayer with her. This is definitely something she's struggling with and I really don't think it's just disobedience on her part. I really believe she has fears and they consume her. Maybe I can believe that more easily because I am a person with anxiety myself. I know how easy it can be to succumb to your mind and let it run away with fearful thoughts.
********
Anyway, I'll share more later about the 3-year-old challenges (defiance, unkindness toward her brother). I just turned around and found she put her entire palm onto the stamp pad she was using and now her whole hand is covered in stamping ink. Mess to attend to and time to be done with art. Moving on to the next project!
And of course, I have to note that amidst these challenges, our little munchkin is still overwhelmingly sweet and very perceptive. We know all of these little bumps are normal milestones and we are grateful to have the opportunity to learn how to handle each parenting challenge with grace and wisdom. This is where prayer comes in. I am honored to be moved to pray more for my little girl and to teach her how to pray on her own as well. More soon about all of this ...
Comments
Love you and miss you!!