Balance
Wow. Yep, we're still here. It's been so long since I've even THOUGHT about writing a post on this blog that the entire back-end of Blogger has been redesigned and I didn't even know it. This looks awesome and much easier to organize! Maybe it will get me to post more on this little family blog of ours ... only time will tell. ;)
I've been thinking a lot recently about when I started this blog and what life was like back then. It's been five years. FIVE. Four and a half since I left my job and started staying home with Emma. So much has changed since then. Not just our family size and other career changes, but so much in my perspective and outlook on being a mother ... and an at-home one, at that.
I've been SO blessed with the wonderful things that have been brought to us through our photography business. I started shooting for family and friends in November of 2008, when Emma was 10 months old. I never expected things to blossom the way they have. I've met some truly amazing people through the business, witnessed unforgettable moments in the lives of these people, and created memories with clients and new photographer friends that I cherish. And not only that, but I've learned so much and really feel like I'm finding my own niche in the market that is just saturated with photographers these days. I can honestly say that this is the first time in my life that I have LOVED my job wholeheartedly. I've had some pretty cool jobs in the past that I'm incredibly grateful for, but I think I'm meant to be a photographer.
My passion for our business and the industry in general is what makes it so hard to create balance in my daily life. My first job right now is to serve my family, to care for and teach my kids, to create memories with them, to maintain our home and manage our schedule. And that's something I'm so, so honored to do. If it came down to it and I had to give up something, I'd give up everything to still be able to make "stay-at-home mom" my main job title.
Even so, it's challenging. On a regular basis. Now that I have a larger client base for our business and offer more products and shoot with higher-end equipment, the business requires a lot more of my regular time. I can't just cram one weekend night and be caught up. I have to cram night after night after night. I actually can't recall the last time I rested on the couch and watched a TV show next to my husband with a bowl of ice cream. I'm not a huge fan of TV anyway (the internet is my guilty pleasure ... too much inspiration and too many crafty ideas to seek out!), but spending my nights with AKP instead of my family has been the norm recently. And I'm not sure if that's just a phase that will pass after the busy seasons of summer and fall or if it's something I'm going to have to take a stronger hand at managing.
I find myself fantasizing about my early days with Emma, when my sole responsibilities revolved around things that affected our family directly. Food, activities, organization, cleaning, outings, lessons, menu-planning, errands, memory-keeping. Things that might sound mundane to others, but to a stay-at-home mom are consistent and crazy-hard to keep up with. We chose to have me home with our kids so that our home life could be different. So that one of us could worry about home and family necessities while the other provided for us financially. So that our kids could have their mom with them in their younger years. So that my creative outlet could be poured out for the benefit of our sweet children. I love thinking that my career right now is my family. We made a lot of sacrifices over the years to be able to make that happen and James works so hard to make sure it can continue.
But I also love thinking about the future and what that means for not just our family but for our business. I have SO MANY IDEAS for AKP. James does too. And I wish I could put them all into action right now and get started. For now, that's not happening and that's okay. It's all I can do to try to keep up with regular client sessions, editing, ordering, blogging, posting peeks on Facebook. I'm still just working nights when everyone's sleeping or during (short) naptimes mid-day. Or if I put on a movie for the munchkins or let them play on the computer a little.
The point of this post ... is basically that I'm still looking for a good balance. I suppose all moms seek that proper balance between career and family. I believe God brought me photography and I thank Him regularly for the passion He gave me for the art. I don't believe He wants me to stop, but I do believe He wants me to find the proper recipe. Of course nothing is more important than our family. And in less than a year, our oldest will be in school full-time. Full days, every day of the week. That breaks my heart a little bit. When we're at that point, am I going to look back and feel fulfilled, like I used every minute of my extra time with her the best I could? I got to be with her EVERY DAY ... will I have any regrets? Anything we still didn't get to learn about or experience together?
At this point in the game, my answer to those last two questions is a resounding yes. :( I'm not ready for her to be out of the house so much. And I don't think I've used my time with her as wisely as I could have. I'm not pointing this out to beat myself up or make myself feel guilty. I'm happy that I'm thinking about it now, when I still have time to reconsider my priorities. This is the main thing that pushes me to reconsider how important my passion for AKP is when it's set up against my love for my family. I know I have it luckier than many others and that staying home is a luxury (not to say it isn't often incredibly rough and lonely ... that's an entirely different topic for a different post) that not all get to experience. If my ability to be here with my kids each day were all of a sudden taken away, I don't want to look back and feel guilt for how I used that time. I want to use it wisely NOW. And I want to use it the way OUR FAMILY wants it to be used. We don't need a million playdates with other friends; we need more unscheduled time playing together. We don't need new toys; we need to explore the natural world together. We don't need perfection (something I fight all the time); we need to learn how to face challenges together and make progress in conquering our weaknesses.
My dear new friends at my life group at church are praying for me to be able to hear God's CLEAR calling for my purpose right now. My friends have long prayed for me to be able to find this. I'm ready to figure it out! If He knows how I can properly balance my business and my family, I'm praying He'll reveal it to me clearly and definitively. And regularly, as things fluctuate each month. If He wants me to cut back on my business and rededicate my days specifically and exclusively to serving my family, putting on hold the dreams we have for AKP, I'm praying He'll help me be obedient and show me how to have the courage to do that.
I have an awesome life, with awesome people in it and awesome experiences every day. I can't even imagine what the next five years will bring. Wonder if this blog will still be here then. And if I'll have written more than five posts between now and then. :) Heck, I know I always post a lot when we're expecting a baby so maybe if God blesses us with another sometime in the next five years, I'll get back to posting regularly. Until then, this completes the quarterly update for now. ;)
I've been thinking a lot recently about when I started this blog and what life was like back then. It's been five years. FIVE. Four and a half since I left my job and started staying home with Emma. So much has changed since then. Not just our family size and other career changes, but so much in my perspective and outlook on being a mother ... and an at-home one, at that.
I've been SO blessed with the wonderful things that have been brought to us through our photography business. I started shooting for family and friends in November of 2008, when Emma was 10 months old. I never expected things to blossom the way they have. I've met some truly amazing people through the business, witnessed unforgettable moments in the lives of these people, and created memories with clients and new photographer friends that I cherish. And not only that, but I've learned so much and really feel like I'm finding my own niche in the market that is just saturated with photographers these days. I can honestly say that this is the first time in my life that I have LOVED my job wholeheartedly. I've had some pretty cool jobs in the past that I'm incredibly grateful for, but I think I'm meant to be a photographer.
My passion for our business and the industry in general is what makes it so hard to create balance in my daily life. My first job right now is to serve my family, to care for and teach my kids, to create memories with them, to maintain our home and manage our schedule. And that's something I'm so, so honored to do. If it came down to it and I had to give up something, I'd give up everything to still be able to make "stay-at-home mom" my main job title.
Even so, it's challenging. On a regular basis. Now that I have a larger client base for our business and offer more products and shoot with higher-end equipment, the business requires a lot more of my regular time. I can't just cram one weekend night and be caught up. I have to cram night after night after night. I actually can't recall the last time I rested on the couch and watched a TV show next to my husband with a bowl of ice cream. I'm not a huge fan of TV anyway (the internet is my guilty pleasure ... too much inspiration and too many crafty ideas to seek out!), but spending my nights with AKP instead of my family has been the norm recently. And I'm not sure if that's just a phase that will pass after the busy seasons of summer and fall or if it's something I'm going to have to take a stronger hand at managing.
I find myself fantasizing about my early days with Emma, when my sole responsibilities revolved around things that affected our family directly. Food, activities, organization, cleaning, outings, lessons, menu-planning, errands, memory-keeping. Things that might sound mundane to others, but to a stay-at-home mom are consistent and crazy-hard to keep up with. We chose to have me home with our kids so that our home life could be different. So that one of us could worry about home and family necessities while the other provided for us financially. So that our kids could have their mom with them in their younger years. So that my creative outlet could be poured out for the benefit of our sweet children. I love thinking that my career right now is my family. We made a lot of sacrifices over the years to be able to make that happen and James works so hard to make sure it can continue.
But I also love thinking about the future and what that means for not just our family but for our business. I have SO MANY IDEAS for AKP. James does too. And I wish I could put them all into action right now and get started. For now, that's not happening and that's okay. It's all I can do to try to keep up with regular client sessions, editing, ordering, blogging, posting peeks on Facebook. I'm still just working nights when everyone's sleeping or during (short) naptimes mid-day. Or if I put on a movie for the munchkins or let them play on the computer a little.
The point of this post ... is basically that I'm still looking for a good balance. I suppose all moms seek that proper balance between career and family. I believe God brought me photography and I thank Him regularly for the passion He gave me for the art. I don't believe He wants me to stop, but I do believe He wants me to find the proper recipe. Of course nothing is more important than our family. And in less than a year, our oldest will be in school full-time. Full days, every day of the week. That breaks my heart a little bit. When we're at that point, am I going to look back and feel fulfilled, like I used every minute of my extra time with her the best I could? I got to be with her EVERY DAY ... will I have any regrets? Anything we still didn't get to learn about or experience together?
At this point in the game, my answer to those last two questions is a resounding yes. :( I'm not ready for her to be out of the house so much. And I don't think I've used my time with her as wisely as I could have. I'm not pointing this out to beat myself up or make myself feel guilty. I'm happy that I'm thinking about it now, when I still have time to reconsider my priorities. This is the main thing that pushes me to reconsider how important my passion for AKP is when it's set up against my love for my family. I know I have it luckier than many others and that staying home is a luxury (not to say it isn't often incredibly rough and lonely ... that's an entirely different topic for a different post) that not all get to experience. If my ability to be here with my kids each day were all of a sudden taken away, I don't want to look back and feel guilt for how I used that time. I want to use it wisely NOW. And I want to use it the way OUR FAMILY wants it to be used. We don't need a million playdates with other friends; we need more unscheduled time playing together. We don't need new toys; we need to explore the natural world together. We don't need perfection (something I fight all the time); we need to learn how to face challenges together and make progress in conquering our weaknesses.
My dear new friends at my life group at church are praying for me to be able to hear God's CLEAR calling for my purpose right now. My friends have long prayed for me to be able to find this. I'm ready to figure it out! If He knows how I can properly balance my business and my family, I'm praying He'll reveal it to me clearly and definitively. And regularly, as things fluctuate each month. If He wants me to cut back on my business and rededicate my days specifically and exclusively to serving my family, putting on hold the dreams we have for AKP, I'm praying He'll help me be obedient and show me how to have the courage to do that.
I have an awesome life, with awesome people in it and awesome experiences every day. I can't even imagine what the next five years will bring. Wonder if this blog will still be here then. And if I'll have written more than five posts between now and then. :) Heck, I know I always post a lot when we're expecting a baby so maybe if God blesses us with another sometime in the next five years, I'll get back to posting regularly. Until then, this completes the quarterly update for now. ;)
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